Panic Anxiety and Depression

Partly because it’s therapeutic for me and mainly because I hope it may bring some future good, I wanted to fill everyone in on my health issues over the past year. 

In October of 2010 I had my first full-blown panic attack and spent the evening in two different ERs pretty sure I was having a heart attack and would die.  I saw a half dozen doctors and took a slew of tests, but was continually told there was nothing wrong with me.  Over the next few months I continued to have spikes in anxiety and eventually was having daily anxiety attacks, even hourly, every day of the week.  Depression and anxiety are like the chicken and the egg so it’s difficult to say which one came first but they always go hand-in-hand. In April things got worse.  Eventually the 24/7 anxiety led me to decide I was going to kill myself.  I was admitted to Arlington Hospital and spent three days in the psych ward against my will. They decided I needed to be on drugs of course and I had to take them or I wouldn't be released.  Once I figured out the game, I knew what I had to do to get out and did.  It reminded me of what I suspect prison to be like.

For 4 1/2 weeks, taking Zoloft was pure hell…pure.fucking.hell.  The side effects were unbelievably torturous.  Eventually things started to level out and I gained a greater understanding of what was happening through therapy and education. 

In general I have my life back now, for the most part.  I bring all of this up because when I was in the midst of it all, I thought all of these problems were uniquely mine and that no one would understand what I was going through.  I have since discovered there are millions of people like me and many even in my own family and circle of close friends.  I should have reached out for help sooner.  You have an incredible support group in your friends and as we continue to age we’re all sure to hit some obstacles in life.  Everything is easier with support.  Thank you to everyone for being supportive in your own way.  There is always hope, never lose faith.